The Latest Reviews 3

Booom-shakah-yeee-haaaa! Ladieeeeees and gents, after a stunning round two Teh Blog Father is back with the very best-est-est-est. It's getting hot in here, so take off all your, ahem! I'll skip tha shizzle, so lets get down to bizzle fo' rizzle!

Tears In The Moonlight

Deeeeep from the depths of a melancholic blogaholic ketchup-olic abyss, comes the man without a name, X "Tha Word Weaver" Sorrownator [And the crowd draws back in silence]. Master of all that is poetry and just, this homeboy will capture a thousand sorrows under the breath of but a few words...all while doing the funky chicken dance, yeeeee-haaaaw! Now there's talent ladies and gents so show the man some looooove! *Sniff*, *Sniff*, Kleenex anyone?

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Can I Like, Get Fries With That?

Ladieeeeeees and gents! It is written in the ancient texts, that thou shalt have a potbelly if thou be a man, for in it thine wife shalt find delight all her days. The verse which cometh next, sayeth also, if thou be a woman, then thou shouldst see no shame in having a little extra for thine husband shalt enjoy the cushioning thereof...for all his days. And all-o-y'all crazy folks who would have loved such a religion better give it up for Pofigsteeeeeeer "Tha Diet Master" Defattenatoooooor. Bringing you a not-so-revolutionary book on how to acheive more in life and finally get your diet to work, Tha Diet Master is your friend. Shouldst thou be a cheapskate then fear-eth not-eth for the book is free!

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Welcome To Wally World, Please Take A Gas Mask

WARNING: This Warning Is Perfectly Harmless. Yeeeeeee-haaaaaw! Ladies and gents, the show goes on. Ever heard the sound of one hand clapping? Ever wanted to send a complete stranger money? How about the feel of walking over hot sand in your new thongs? No, not that kinda thong, the Australian kind aka sandals, slippers, etc in other parts of the world. For all the above and more, I recommend you put on your gas mask (seriously, 'cause some material may offend) and visit Malcooooooooolm "Tha Wallynator" Laaaaaaaaambe. Now break it down! [Insert funkydelic music here].

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You Gotta Have Feith

Step right up, step right up boys and gurls, and let Teh Blog Father show you the way [Crowd: Hallelujah!]. When you're cruisin' along then see someone who makes you go "Dayuuum honey, how do I broadcast on your frequency?!", you gotta have? [Crowd: Feith!]. When you've masterfully robbed a bank only to realise it was your bank to begin with, you gotta have? [Crowd: Feith!]. When you buy roses for your munchkin only to realise she's allergic to the colour red, you gotta have? [Crowd: Feith!]. That's right boys and gurls, Feith "Tha Poetik" Journalator is what you gotta have! Poetry? Done. Prose? Done. Journal? Done. Antimatteristionically remote-controlled break-dancing, Happy-Meal-eating, Barbie dolls? Done, done, and done, babaay yeeeaah! Now show her some loooove!

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Green With Envy?

Gather round boys and gurls, it's story time! Once upon a time in a land not really far away if you own a private jet like me, there died, I mean lived, a little green fairy. Now this fairy was unique (just like everyone else) and instead of a magic wand she carried a bazooka (hey, it was a rough neighbourhood!). Anyone who...oh hell, let's just get down to the bizzle. Put your hands together for Rubyyyyy "Tha Phaerie" Greeeeeeendust! Sting like a butterfly, fly like a bee...hmmm. Just show the girl some love while I figure out which way round that saying is meant to be!

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An Alien Agenda

Guess who's baaaaack? Yeee-haaaa! Ladies and gents, without further ado, I will reveal the answer to the million dollar question: are there aliens out there? Now brace ya self. Are there aliens out there? What are you, crazy?! There be aliens right here. My main hustlah, Alpharat "Tha Martian Assassin" Omegatron invaded ol' Detroit and now deals with it when science says you shouldn't even be there. Shouldn't be there?? Quit trippin'. Just take this double barrel and go become alien lunch, oops, I mean go show him some looooove!

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It Must Be Love

[Doctor heeeeeelp!...chill out dude, wassup?...There's this girl, and she's like whoa man, and then we, I mean, dayuuum, but like it's kinda you know, wow!...Ummm, was that English you just spoke there son?]. Step right up my little love struck victims, let Matt "Tha Love Doctor" Flirtinator give you romantic tips for married couples. If the most romantic thing you did for your wife was open a beer using your teeth when she couldn't find the bottle opener, then congratulations - you are qualified! Now stand aside, Tha Love Doctor is about to operate!

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Patriots Stand Ready

Boo-yaaaah! Another one just passed out but the show must go on! Give it right up ladies and gents for Jeffreeeeeeey "Tha Babblenator" Clutternatooooor! [Insert the sound of war drums from here on]. He stood stall for his country and waded through a brazillion websites only to conclude that more clutter was needed on the internet. With the weight of the world beneath his feet, he braved the merciless valleys of HTML and erected the miracle that is his blog. Do your bit for your country! Show the man some of that patriot looooove!

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Before She Was Famous

Dah-dah-daaah-duuuuuum! When I'm not too busy being famous, driving my plane and flying my car, I can be found giving autographs to my shadow (uhuh, I am that famous so you better recognise!). Aaalrighty theeeen! Step right up ladies and form your clique with Jeeeeeenn "Tha Fame Keeper" Scoooooott. Her zone is devoted to her writings and you better keep all eyes on me, I mean her, 'cause that gurl is going to be a famous writer one day. Then she too can drive a plane and fly a car...like me! You know where she's at, so show her some loooove!

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Amen To That Sistah!

[Forgive me father for I have sinned...Oh deary me. What is it now?...Well, remember that chicken you gave me?...Oh no!...Yeah. It went jogging with me the other day in the snow, but then died of pneumonia after 12 minutes. *Sniff*. I'm so sorry father...Don't worry son. Due to global warming, they now have air conditioning in hell. You'll roast just fine.] Yeeee-haaaaah ladies and gents, can I get an amen? [Crowd: preach preacher!]. Give it right up for Marianne "Tha Evangelicanator" Pearsooooon! Her blog is an autobiography that really starts out with her name which is not...her name. You see it used to be my name but then my uncle Larry's brother's auntie's nephew borrowed it for X-mas. From there it went to Japan and wound up with Mr Yagotta B. Kidding who eventually returned it to Marianne Pearson...who is in fact not...oh what the hell, just show her some-o-dat blogadizzle loooove!

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A Touch Of Irreverence

Do the chah-chah-chah ladies and gents! This show is off tha chain and you better stay one with the rhythm. Now shake it! Ahem! Our next entrant is the master of all things irreverent. An expat Brit in the US, he left this beeeeeeautiful country, I mean how dare he?! How dare he leave the schizophrenic weather that is a trademark here? How dare he leave behind the mashed potatoes served with as many flavours of tea as there are languages in Africa?! Well Ted "Tha Codexanator" Irreverentor is just irreverent like that. So quit hatin' and show him some loooove!

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It's Metaphysikal My Dear Watson

[But Holmes, you still haven't told me how you figured it out!...It's metaphysical my dear Watson...Bathe me in your wisdom Holmes!...Well first I used some transcedental meditation to obtain the perpendicular bisector of the zen series. Next I focused my Chi and used existential C++ superposition to-...Stop right there! You my friend are a bleep, bleepity bleeping genius!] Yeeee-haaaaw! Ladies and gents, put your Chi together as Chyrene "Tha Metaphysikal" Pendleton materialises into the zone to unleash her wisdom. Enjoy many tips, articles, personal experiences, website links and books on how to consciously create money, prosperity and abundance in your life right now. And when I say now, I mean like right now so show her some looove!

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In The Presence Of The Enigma

I've been waiting for this review for a loooong time! If you haven't already guessed from the crazy nicknames I give to people, I am a huge fan of the Terminator movies! In my night job (computer programmers never sleep) I program computers for a living. So the idea of AI machines walking the earth is both a nightmare and a dream. If it happens, I'll be the one to blame. My terminators will wear cowboy hats, smoke cigars and have red noses...oh yeah, and carry big water pistols. Yeee-haaa! Well give it up for Matt "Tha Enigma" Mekkanex! His zone is about his quest to hone programming and AI skills so he can be a master of his craft. At the moment, he's trying to ascend into the Himalayas and find the definition of "artificial intelligence". Help the man out and show him some love...or he'll be back to kill us all! (Mummyyyyyyyyyyy!)

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Rage Against The Blades

Yolay-yolay-yo-hee-heeee! Moving along ladies and gents, with a pinch and a punch for the rest of the month, huzzaaaaah! Our next entrant stands taaaaall and firm for the most true of truest true philosophies: conservatism. Alright class, what's the first lesson in conservatism? [The class says in unison] "Thou shalt not empty the rubbish bin until it overfloweth, for in doing so, thou shalt conserve thy most holy energy". Very good class, and what's lesson two? [The class says in unison] "Thou shalt not tell thine wife that her posterior looketh big in that dress, for in doing so, thou shalt conserve thine precious life". Aaaaah the magnanimous beauty of conservertism. Let Peter "Tha Spikefinn" Porcupine, show you the joys thereof! Show the man some conservative loooooooove!!

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Kshhhh, Houston We Have A Solution, Over?

[Sing along please]. Bob the buuuuuilder, can - he - fix - it? Bob the buuuilder yes - he - can! Yeeeee-haaaaaw! Ladies, gentlemen and Unidentified Walking Objects, put yo' hands together for the ooone the only Melissaaaaaaaaa "Tha Bond Keeper" Constructionatoooor! [And the crowd goes santa maria!] Faster than a stationary bullet she is jetting through life and bringing you tales from the day to day happenings in her zone. Before you show her love, please heed this Ministry Of Health Warning: flying at speeds faster than stationary bullets has been known to make little girls think that Chinese waitresses actually spoke Spanish. Oh my giddy aunt! Now show her some looove!

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Crouching Tiger, Hidden Tomato Sauce

Oooh-loo-loo-loo-heee-yaaaah! And another one falls Kick-Butt-Fu style, muhahahahah. Step right up, step right up for the ultimizzle in blogadizzle entertainment ladies and gents. Give it up for Ozyyyyyy "Tha Tigernator" Mandiaaaaaaz! [And the crowd goes "is it a bird, is it a plane?"] No my little ferrets, its a poet! Now we've had quite a number of poets paying their respects here, but none of 'em can match my mad skillz. I mean check it: [__________________]. Did you see that? So poetically advanced that even the screen is not worthy of showing my shizzle fo' rizzle! Ozymandiaz has to got to be the only one who's even close to my poetic genius so show the man some-o-dat blogadelic loooove!

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Howdy Cupcake, How 'Bout You 'N' Me?

Ohhhmmmmmmmm, ladies and gents, put down your AK-47's, put on your philosophical faces and let me answer the deepest of deeper deep questions in life: what is love? [Rolls up sleeves, ready to unleash his wisdom]. Love is shooting that bird with a spitball instead of a machine gun when it unleashed its business on your windshield. Love is robbing the bank then using the proceeds to pay your overdue loans. Love is putting chillies in your little brother's eyes then kindly reminding him it was only an experiment to see if he could scream like a girl. Love is pretending to drown when the lifeguard looks like Miss Dayuuuum. Love is giving your secretary a raise, so she can get a manicure 'cause you like the sound her nails make when she's typing business memos. Love boys and girls is what Cup "Tha Love Dealer" Cake, is all about so send some, well, looooooove!

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Reporter, Report Thyself!

Pekee-chum-pekee-chah-pekee-chah-wow-wow! So there I was, minding someone else's business, while reading the paper over a bowl of cornflakes and gun-powdered milk. Suddenly, Jesse "Tha Papernator" Reporternator, pops up outta nowhere sporting a blonde wig, smoking a cigar all while wearing a green dress. Now, anyone who interrupts my holy moment (more commonly known as "having breakfast") usually ends up in ICU, but this time I find myself there recovering from toomuchlaughtertitis! Bringing you trials, tribulations and the leftover consumption of a Boston-based reporter, Tha Papernator's zone gets my vote, so show him some looooove!

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You Think That's Air You Are Breathing?

[Ah-choo! I'll show you my Chi-Loony-Wi-Chang!...Weeeyaaahah! Feel the fury of my Kata-Kin-Psycho-Pai-Ching!] Ladies and gents, the rest of that showdown between Morpheus and Neo has been interrupted to prevent spontaneous myocardial infarction in the senior citizens among us (for all non-bioligicists out there, that means we don't want grandpa to get a heart attack). In other news, Katrix "Tha Kitchensinkanator" Matrixinator, brings you ramblings of a self-proclaimed libertarian on everything from American politics, day-to-day philosophy, confessions of a confused alien, talk shows, sitcoms, sports and everything in between. For legal reasons I am required to add: WARNING - That blog may contain a kitchen sink. Now show her some looooove!

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Say Hello To My Lee-feh!

[WARNING: this review is best served with connolis. Failure to comply may result in you having to go for days with nothing but food and water]. Yeee-haaaah ladies and gents, give it up for Undrrrrrr "Tha Connolis Dealer" Achievinatoooor! [And the crowd goes: holy moly racamoli macaroni ravioli!]. There's something straaaaange, in the neighbourhoooood, who you gonna call? Tha Connolis Dee-lah! That's right. You gotta love a blog where every post starts with "Dear Undies" and is owned by a guy who's favourite word is "boingy". There's enough humour there for the whole family, even if your family is big enough to make a football team. Show him love!

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That's it for this round! Use the submission link at the top of the page and keep those submissions coming since the next round will begin soon.