The Latest Reviews 2

If you've just tuned into the wildest blog in the blogsphere, check out the reviews from round one of this month. Otherwise, it's game time!

Behold Teh Kung Phu Hustler

Up-koobee aran-muh-kee joo-beee! Haaaaaaiyaaah!! And we are off to a kicking start with Lee "Da Kick-Butt-Fu Hustler" Carlon, who hollers all de way from down under. Tick this homie off and you too will be going down under...six feet under to be precise, wachaaaaa yoo-loo-loo-looaaah haaaiyaaah! Now sing hallelujah as you bounce to his crib to receive book reviews, commentary on writing, and tips on how to steal a Boeing 747 then throw a party 30,000 feet above sea level! The best part? Batteries are included, yeeeee-haaaaaw!

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Honey, You Can Take My Temperature Aaaany Day

There I was doing what teh blog daddy does, when along comes this nurse. For reasons unknown to science, I get a sudden urge to be shot so I could end up in ER. I mean daaaaamn baby! So I walk up to her, keepin' it gangstah, and she asks for my number (which happens to be 0800-WHOA-MAMA). Next thing you know, I'm in ER recovering from a dose of pepper spray to the eyes. She still denies it, but I know it was love at first injection. Don't believe me? Check out her blog and hear crazy stories of her life in ER. The can of coke and two aspirins she'll give you, make risking death worth it. Is that the sound of an ambulance calling for you?

The Phoenix Rises Again

[Kshhhhhh! Houston we have a problem, please advise, over?...Come in alpha-prime, what's your status? Kshhhhh...The situation is critical. We sent in everything we had, he should be dead! But the phoenix rises again...] That's right ladies and gents the man's back! In his world, science is stranger than fiction and I wish I'd consulted his sagely exposition on flirtatious science before approachig that nurse. Daaamn!

Diary Of Mobster

[ Deary diary, today was a good day for maphia business. I dodged a lot of bullets Matrix style, and gave some playas offers they couldn't refuse. The bank robbery went great and I even managed to get that lady at the counter to go out to dinner with me Friday night. I dunno if it was being held at gunpoint or just my boyish good looks that got her to say yes! *love-struck sigh* ] Yeeee-haaaaw ladies and gents, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and Jupiter will complete its orbit in 11.8 years as planned. Which means it's time for another crazy dear-diary moment, as served to you by Dee "Tha Prose Queen" White. Show your gurl some looooove!

Showdown In Small Town

Ding, ding, ding diiiiiiiiing! Gather round boys and gurls, to witness the very best-est-est in blogatainment. He may be repping a small town but this cowboy is tha deal during a showdown. Quick handed on the draw, he'll snap you like a straw. Bullets are served with commentary on the news and state of the world, so you better be payin' attention. A dictionary is provided for your convenience 'cause this homeboy slings words as big as his gun. Just tell me what font you want your obituary in, then head on over. Roooooound ooone, fiight!

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Do You Want The Menu In Tagalog?

Mama mia santa mariaa! Ladieeeees and gentlemen, I present to you our youngest entrant hailing all the way from the Philippines, you better recognise! I was in the Philippines once (strictly maphia business). It's the only place where every lady you "accidentally" bump into looks like Miss Dayuuuuum! Airah "Tha Thug Princess" Blaze demands respect and gives respect. You lookin' for a damsel in distress? Better look elsewhere. A credit card [ab]using, quote loving, casual dressing, blog hopping Ms. Congeniality incarnate, you better show her some-o-dat blogadelic looooove!

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Switching To Cruise Control

Vrooom vroooooooom! Ladaaaaaaaaays and gentlemen, smell the gasoline as we switch gears and cruise at speeds utterly obscene. Driving from the back seat, we have Teh Speed Demon, huzzaaaaah! He burns rubber through the blogsphere to bring you the very best in content. Watch them wheels go round, 'cause this playa is over the limit, blazin' at the speed of sound. Oh mamaaaay! Now, if you're done looking at your reflection in his side mirror, you better show the man some looooove!

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Can I Get An Opinion With That?

Ohmmmmmmmmm, ladieeeeeeees and...what is that, a porcupine? Aiiight, cool, Teh Blog Father welcomes all. So, ladieeeeeees and, erm, porcupineees! Thus begins our homeboy, Jamal "Tha News Dealer" Opinionator: define normality. Being Teh Blog Father, I'll go right on and do so: normality is the perpendicular circumspection of cultural bijective influences on the yet to be conjugated opinions of the suboptimal inverse polytrion series. Kapish? Excellent! For your homework, you better head on to his blog to confirm that I am in fact an evil genius and the definition I just gave aint utter BLEEEEEP!

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Now 25% Sharmie Free, Yeee-haaaaaw!

[sing it please] "Blog Daddy and Nursinator sitting in a tree. K - I - S - S - I - " wooopsy, wrong channel! So anyway, after that pepper spray "accident" with the nurse up there, I did end up in ER (as planned, muhahahahahah) and got all the service I needed: two aspirins and a can of coke. Then Cindy "Tha ER Queen" Nursinator, began telling me a story and she kept on saying this word "sharmie". Of course after my little cocktail I thought she was tryna say "show me", so I flexed my biceps for her viewing pleasure. I don't remember what happened next, except that my heart monitor went from beep, beep, beep, to beep-beep-beep, then beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Word of advice: better go to her blog and find out what sharmies are before you trying pulling a stunt on The Nursinator! Oh. Can someone tell my mum I won't be home for Christmas 'cause I'm kinda like, dead and stuff?

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In The Presence Of Another Sage

Ohhhmmmmmmm. Keep them legs crossed ladies and gentlemen (having one eye open is recommended though not required by law), as we are joined by the sagest-est of sages, the dealer of wise words (coming soon, to an alleyway near you). Need some guidance? Inspiration? Motivation? Ketchup and Mayonnaise? I of course, can give you all that and have it gift-wrapped for the price of a BMW. And yes - I do take Visa. Or you could just head on to Stephen "Tha Sage" Wiseman and get it for free ;-)

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The Last Cry Of The Banshee

Everything was going according to plan. I had successfully acquired Big Evil Corp and used my covert chop-suey skills to turn it into Bigger Evil-er Corp. It was the best thing since sliced bread bought with laundered money. Then it happened. The moon was darkened, the sun was blotted out and men ran to and fro, screaming for dear life (which basically goes like this: "mummyyyyyyyyyy!"). Then the mighty, the evil Faust "Tha Doom Sayer" Apocalypse, rose from the bowels of the earth as the banshee gave her last cry. Overpowered, I fell to the ground...laughing! Why? Visit Tha Doom Sayer and find out for yourself ;-)

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Hungernator: The Last Lunch

Ladaaaaaaays and hustlaaaaaaahs! Teh Blog Father is back with the greatest showdown to have graced this third rock from the sun. In the maphia corner, weighing a massive kick-yo-booty 500 pounds, Tehhhh Blog Fatheeeeer!! In the hood corner, weighing a staggering snap-yo-spine 900 pounds, we have Tehhhh Hungernatooooor!! [Ooooh how the babes swoon!] Wait! I'm getting too old for this shizzle, so I'ma let this homeboy breathe a little (and for all-o-y'all playa haters who think I'm a coward, be advised that my semi is fully loaded before you open yo' mouth). With his mad writing skillz and witty humour, Teh Hungernator is a shining example of how to use hard circumstances to your advantage. While I plan to challenge him later, you better show him some loooove!

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Did You Know I Knew You Didn't Know We All Knew?

Boooom-shakah-yeee-haaah! Gather round boys and gurls, teh blog daddy is about to show you why the ladies like his big brain. It's all in the facts little grasshoppers, and I got 'em all right here. Did you know that if you stand outside when it's raining, you'll get wet?! [Teh kids stare wide-eyed at this dazzling observation]. Oh and wait till you hear this kids! Did you know that the oblique tangent of a circle circumscribing an irregular icosidodecahedron is like a Happy Meal but tastes better? [Teh kids have now been traumatised for life]. Now let Wise-owl "Tha Fact Keeper" Edmondson, be your one source for everything to do with factual knowledge. Be informed, be dazzoozled or get your money back (yes, the money I stole from you then loaned back to you last week)!

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Bring A Sense Of Humour And A Sprinkler Of Death

Rah-tat-tat-tat-tat! Ladieeeees and gents, prepare for some unruly combat and give it up for our hustlah Tommie "Tha Gun" Hayward! Now if you are a maphia kingpin, then you'll always come across some haters who just don't pay up. But I'm a peaceful man and I wouldn't hurt a fly (unless my bazooka was nearby). So what's a kingpin to do? Save with Tommie that's what. Keep it old school. Break that piggy bank, buy yo'self some time in Tommie's presence and get helpful hints and tips on making the most of your Utility Warehouse Discount Club maphia business.

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Acidic Adventures: The Final Edit

Ohhhmmmmm. In teh beginning, Teh Blogfather created chaos. He looked and he saw that teh panic was good. And there was evening, and there was morning - teh first day. Then said he "Let there be Coco Pops!", and there were Coco Pops. Teh Blogfather looked, and he saw that he was hungry. So he spake thus "let there be milk!", and there was milk. With that final edit of epic creation history, he belted out an evil laugh and enjoyed his breakfast. For more of this grand master editing genius, I present to you Onsmiiiiiii "Tha Acidinator" Welcoooooool! A magazine editor devoted to critiques of cover letters, first pages, and other things that writers send to editors of madness and agents of doom, you better show the man some looooove!

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One Step For Man, One Giant Frog Leap For Maphia-kind

[Kshhhhhh, Houston this is Eagle One, we have a visual on Tha Pond Keeper, please advise over?...Come in Eagle One, proceed with the Fly Bait maneuver, over? Kshhhh...Negative, she'll see it coming. Permission to speak freely sir...Go on soldier. Kshhhhh...The Pond Keeper is one frog. She's even cute. Why are we attacking with F16 fighter jets?...Ummmm, I'll get back to you on that one]. Frogieeeeees and gentle frogies, may I present to you another babe-a-licious Miss Dayuuuuum, hailing all tha way from the Philipinnes, Ribbiiiiiit "Tha Pond Keeper" Froginatooooor! [And all the guys do the sexy whistle]. Cuter than the cutest cute cute-ling, she'll serve you random bits and pieces about her views on life, complete with salt, vinegar, ketchup and mayo! Now do the funky frog dance with me: Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, uhuh. Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, yee-hah. And a ribbity to the left, a ribbity to the right, lets ribbit ribbit ribbit aaaall night!

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The Final March Of The Arachnids

Yeeee-haaaaaaaw! Ladies and gents, our next entrant needs no introduction 'cause she's the one, the only, Mamaaaaaaa Corleooooone! [And the people pay their respects]. Always one for superb content, I present to you an extract from her post:

A scientist performs an experiment. He takes a spider and tears off two of its legs. "Go," he tells the spider and the spider goes.

The scientist makes a note in his log and tears off another pair of legs. "Go," says the scientist and the spider goes. He makes another note in the log and repeats the process until he tears off the last pair of legs.

"Go," the scientist says but the spider doesn't move. The scientist makes the following note in his log: 'Conclusion: A spider with no legs can't hear.'

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A Touch Of Purple

Boooo-yakaaaah! Ladieeeeeeeees and gentlemen, I present to you yet another blogadelic entrant so give it right up for Shiraziiiiiiii "Tha Quake Whisperer" Negotianatoooor [And the crowd goes hallelujah!]. Slinging more links than could fit in all your kitchen sinks, Tha Quake Whisperer can be found talking about blogging, ways to help victims of natural disasters, the fame game, and last but not least, the new movie "Rumpelstiltskin VS Robocop VS Terminator VS Bugs Bunny". Send some love that way, yeeeee-haaaw!

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Resistance Is Futile, Negotiation Is Irrelevant

Ksshhhhh! May day! May day! Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat argghhhhhhhhhh, kabooom!...the sun would set for the last time as the invasion began. The sky was littered with subspace fighter-jets, flying like a swarm of metallic bees. Nothing could have prepared us for that day. Darth Globulus, the destroyer of worlds, initiated the integration process. Earth would be swallowed whole.......psych! Teh Blog Father and his crew are homies with Zar "Darth Globulus" Illusionator, so there aint gonna be no earth munching, yeeeeee-haaaa! Check out his world and all the other worlds he'll be having for lunch. Show your homeboy some loooove!

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Just Skimming The Surface

So you wanna be a gangstah huh? Two rules: one, never trust a woman who's holding your wallet and two never trust a woman with a gun. Why? Have no fear my little ferrets, Teh Blog Father will access his hard-earned maphia knowledge bank, and explain this most profound-est-est wisdom. But first, give it right up for our final entrant in this round, Baaaabz "Tha Surface Skimmer" Chickanatooooooooor!! [And all the guys go "Dayuuum honey, you can shoot me any time!"]. When she's not skimming the surface of sinister maphia plot lines, she can be found blogging about life, school, love and of course Kung-Fu-enabled flying monkeys. Yeeeee-haaaaa! Now show the gurl some of dat blogadelic looooove!

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Aaaaand that's a job well done! Round 2 is complete and round three is ready to roll!